This dance...

I'm this restless energy, that wants to dance in the mountains, on ropes and my partner never begrudges me this dance. This partner faithfully belays me, cleans the gear, and sets the ropes for us to return to earth. And I realize how grateful I am, to this partner who never says no when I ask to dance on ropes, on mountains, even when my partner is in pain.

This partner who asks me about dancing down mountains, what shoes shall I wear?

This partner who asks me to dance the biggest mountain we ever encounter, so big we must sleep three nights in her cool arms and not feel thirst until we start the descent down her flanks in the beating southern sun.

And this partner who asks me to dance in these mountains, I have seen distantly, dreamt of, or heard terrifying tales of. These mountains this dance with ropes and wax slicken-ed sticks. This dance to connect, to feel how little I am, how big I am, how big we are, how infinite, expansive, and how limitless we can be.

San Juan Longing

It hasn't been enough to post pics of my recent trip to Silverton Mountain in Colorado. Three years ago I drove to Southwest Colorado in the winter to get mileage on my station wagon, ice axes, crampons, and my newly acquired alpine touring ski setup. I ended up skiing more than ice climbing. Even though I first witnessed the San Juans in college on a family vacation, it wouldn't be until 2009 that I returned,

And we're caught up - 2013!

This was a particularly challenging year - good and bad - maybe I'm accepting more - maybe I'm learning the best place to find my lightened moments is to stop avoiding my dark times.

January - Back from Montana - go on a few trips with good friends to New Hampshire to ice climb. Starting to see cracks in the recent caulking of my romantic relationship.

February - Committed to not just 'running away' - trying to solve the problems in the relationship. It was tough, but I'm glad we did it. Did a couple ice climbing trips to lighten the heaviness.

March - Acknowledgment and realization set in. Went to another life mind-set changing clinic - for skiing at the invitation of a caring friend in Alta, UT.

April - Went back to Utah, this time to climb at Indian Creek with two amazing women friends. Loved being in the desert in an amazing setting.

May - Went to the New, helped my high-school best friend prepare for her wedding - honored to be part of her ceremony.

June - Went to Peru with the family. For two weeks. It was the biggest challenge - being in an amazing country with amazing peaks and learning how to enjoy the moment, just looking at them, and nothing more :)

July - HERA Climb4Life! Third year in a row. Trained for a return to higher, more committing climbs.

August - Continued training - lots of pitches and days at Seneca, ended the month with a wet climbing trip to New Hampshire at Cannon Cliff.

September - Off to Seattle - hardest climb that made me use every ounce of mental, physical, emotional commitment and a lot more spirituality than I would've believe to go car-to-car in four days, with no water source for the first three days. Left the mountain still good friends with my partner.

October - Enjoyed fall climbing among the turning leaves in the East. Swore since my main objective of the year was complete, I didn't need to push myself. But still managed to get on a few climbs I couldn't get to the top of :) and that was ok.

November - Returned to Indian Creek. Fell, injured settled in for recovery. Sigh. Note to self to not ignore the voice coming from my belly - asking me how a 5 pitch desert tower at 5.10 was an appropriate rest day activity with a two hour approach on either end? Oh well, learning not to take it so hard on myself.

December - Focused on recovery, studying, although got in a couple ski days at the local Pennsylvania resort - despite physical therapists admonishment. Tried ice climbing again end of the month. Had a little bit to go before back in my usual condition and shape.

2012 in Review

2011 was a year for big transitions, from not working, to the anxiety of being jobless and needing the security of a salaried gig.

2012 - was perhaps about getting more settled - and perhaps seeing after I wrote the summaries - of giving myself healthy doses of mountains:

January - Ice climbing for New Years, and the long weekend holidays. It was nice to spend that time on the road with good friends.

February - Itching for adventure, especially after a marathon run of Banff Mountain Filmfest screening at the National Geographic, hopped on a plane with all my ice climbing equipment, prepared to beg, bribe, and sweet talk my way into ice climbing partnerships. Luckily, the IME icefest organizers let me squeeze into two fantastic clinics with Freddie Wilkinson and Mark Synnott. Went to Utah to ski- Snowbasin and Snowbird. Maybe I should have taken that as a sign my itch to be in the mountains would not be appeased.

March - Epic ski trip to Hokkaido, Japan. Amazing backcountry/side-country skiing - open bowl skiing followed by long soaks in mineral hot springs. Unfortunately blew my knee on my fourth day out. I had stretched it out plenty by trying to rid myself of a cold I caught on the flight over. Unfortunately returned a couple days earlier to seek medical treatment.

April - Yea - back in physical therapy. Got into a relationship. Did my annual international film fest binge in D.C. Took a pretty amazing climbing clinic that changed my head - Trad Mental Camp.

May - Gunks, New York City, a small turbo prop flight where they promoted me to captain and promptly fell asleep - thankfully the co-pilot was on it! My first visit to Oregon, sea-side whale sightings, Wilmette Valley Pinot Noir, micro-brews in rainy Bend, Smith Rocks climbing.

June - With a bum knee, started taking opera singing lesson. Yes, opera singing lessons :) Please don't ask me to sing though.

July - Rockclimbing in North Conway, mostly Cathedral. Fighting urges to flee a relationship - learned about working it out like adults, being vulnerable and not blaming.

August - My journey into alternative therapies, catalyzed by a surprise allergic reaction and lack of immediate specialist appointment, sought the acupuncturist. Got the first glimmer of hope I could recover my right ankle to climb harder, longer, and go back to mountaineering/ alpine climbing.

September - the usual Fall climbing, weddings, quick East-side trips.

October - Went to Yosemite - awesome to return and climb! Met some amazing people in an amazing setting. Inspired, totally inspired.

November - A few bits of local climbing - with locally born and raised climbers - enjoying the changing of the season, family-time.

December - took off on a one-month unpaid sabbatical to Montana. Drove through the northern states. Spent time in Bozeman for the icefest, climbing in Hyalite Canyon, and then the rest of the time in Big Sky, skiing at Moonlight and Big Sky. Finished out Christmas in Wyoming, skiing at the epic Jackson Hole.

The years have passed and where have my 'plans' gone ...

The old years in review. I'm sometimes surprised how long I've stayed in one place. Going back the to San Juans of SW Colorado rekindled something in me - maybe that promise to take off West. I cried for an hour the day after my plane left. I was secretly hoping United would have cancelled my flight and I would've had to stay in SW Colorado another day or two. But it didn't so here are the years I didn't post

2011 - What a doozy, when my great road trip ended and life back in the rat race began.

January - spent a month in the San Juans of SW Colorado - predominantly living in Ouray. On the way stopped in West Virginia Snowshoe for some night skiing and the Bourbon trail in Kentucky. Our next stop was in Denver at a friend's, and then a stop in Breckenridge, and then some godforsaken Motel 6 - maybe just outside of Grand Junction, on the way to Ouray. Discovered backcountry powder skiing at Red Mountain Pass, took ski lessons at Telluride, spent a few days with friends in Crested Butte. Took a five day hut tour among the Burn and Ridgeway huts in the San Juans - became so hooked on backcountry skiing - swore to learn to ski all kinds of mountain terrain in any and every condition, and probably never come back to Colorado just to ice climb.

February - returned to the Front Range, stayed another night in Denver, checked out Loveland, a second time at Breckenridge and Copper Mountain. I drove back through a Rocky Mountain snow storm. Eventually left the storm in Kansas city. Crashed in St. Louis. Drove straight to D.C. A week after Valentine's day got dumped.

March - Started earnestly looking for a job. Interviewed and accepted a job as an outdoor climbing instructor for REI. Started the dance to get a salaried office job. Ice climbed in the Adirondacks and fell of the second pitch of Multiplication Gulley, a 240' New England ice climb. Began the saga of right foot restoration. Went back to Crested Butte. Craiglisted a ride from Denver to Buena Vista, skied at Arapahoe Basin, met two road-tripping friends and skied at Crested Butte for a few awesome days.

April - rock climbed with friends back in the mid-Atlantic. Did some pre-employment training. Accepted an offer from the big company.

May - started work at the big company. Worked a lot. Went on a few climbing trips to the Gunks and the New River Gorge.

June - Lots of work - went to Atlanta for a brief moment.

July - First year participating in HERA Climb4Life

August - Lots of employer subsidized rehabbing the right ankle and a broken heart.

September - Trip to climb Mt. Shuksan, Washington - realized the foot may not heal the way I hoped.

October - Lots of volunteer climbing events, for Wounded Warrior, spent time at Seneca Rocks, Red River Gorge, had lots of fun - did some easier fun climbing.

November - Continued to appreciate being back home and seeing good friends.

December - Returned to the Front Range of Colorado - Vail specifically - in a fairly low-snow season.

Re-capping 2010

This was an old post that when I went to publish, blogger crapped out on me:

Besides turning 30 what did I do was notable? Somethings I've posted about already, and I'm thinking about my 'never' list but I'm too lazy to find it and scan it ... maybe an idea for something else I can look up.

January - I remember I was living in Ballston fooling myself into thinking I could continue working for DoD. I probably went on some ice climbing trips. I also mourned the loss of my colleague in Afghanistan. I learned my aunt had breast cancer.

February - Probably more ice climbing trips. Took my first avalanche awareness course.

March - Took my second avalanche course and skied in Colorado for the first time. Crested Butte. Discovered powder. Became insanely jealous of my avalanche comrades who were outfitted in skis while I tromped clumsily around Rocky Mountain National Park in my snowshoes. Snuck in a rockclimbing trip to the Gunks.

April - Moved back to D.C. after realizing I was never going to adapt to living in Arlington. Started appreciating spring time in the city, trained for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer by walking everywhere, 5 to 10 miles a day. Attended DC filmfest fiendishly.

May - Walked a marathon length one day, and a half marathon length the second day. Hardest thing I have ever done. My feet felt like raw pulverized ground meat for a week. Continued training. Went on a date with the first climber to become my boyfriend in six years.



June - Left for Tanzania. Wowed by wildlife in the Serengeti and Ngorongoro crater. Got followed around by a toad in our camp, witnessed wild cheetahs nearby and giraffes in the parking lot. Scared off by lions in the ladies room. Summited Mt. Kilimanjaro, my first and probably only Seven Summit.

July - Said goodbye to a dear friend after his quick spirited and calm acceptance with a terminal illness. Climbed my first of the 50 Classic Climbs of North America - the Petit Grepon on my return visit to Rocky Mountain National Park. Notably this was date # 6 with my ex-boyfriend to be and my first successful alpine route. Another post warrants on date # 6. I also quit my cushy federal job, missed my flight back to DC and instead visited friends in Seattle and San Diego for another 10 days.

August - I returned just in time from my adventures out west to go on date #10 to Chamonix, France. There I didn't climb anything of consequence but had a great time with friends, ate yummy food, dealt with my nagging independence in the face of a looming relationship, and soaked in beautiful views of the French Alps.

September - More home bound than planned due to an recurring illness. Got to be around one of my best friends and witness her become a mother to two children. Eventually got back to San Diego to climb. Climbed my second alpine route in Teton National Park, although not a 50 classic, I thought a better climb than the Petit Grepon.

October- My favorite climbing season, discovered the Red River Gorge in Kentucky, went to an old favorite, the New River Gorge in West Virginia. Took off for a cross-country road-trip.

November - Drove to Joshua Tree, CA and back. On the way saw an old friend and made new ones. Definitely pushed my climbing further than I ever have before. Returned in time for the holidays.

December - Christmas Day ice climbing, worked outdoor recreation equipment and clothing retail, got my first big scare on a lead climb in the Dacks. The same one I got a bloody nose on earlier in the year in January. Realized I was soloing a 350' slush cone of a waterfall ice climb and experienced near anchor failure (would've been catastrophic had it actually happened).
Worked New Year's Eve after driving back from that trip during the night before, and opened my eyes just enough to see fireworks over Baltimore harbor.

how to endure

One moment I was looking at the skyline of Manhattan, under the cover of evening clouds with sunbeams filtering here and there, thirteen hours later, I was pointing out to my seat mate the Dead Sea lapping at the West Bank. I already began putting count down numbers in my planner, this time I wasn't going to cross calendar years like before. My sister's birthday marks exactly the half way point. I miss my sister. Another four months, of me not being me. Of letting go of things I started towards in the last four, that felt like in their intensity zapped my time to a matter of four week, my first lead on ice, first leads on Gunks classics, my first time on a glacier, my first time camping for more than a week, my first time in Washington and Alaska, climbing in an ice park, my new car's first oil change, the first opera that I can clearly remember. I had things to look forward to here, longer dryer days, friends from before, possibly more outings. Possibly more interesting work. I knew my heart was divested before, but in the short time I had home, I managed to reinvest in those other ways to pass time, that have nothing to do with living in foreign country among expats, or sitting at a desk for over ten hours on most days. I sobbed in the apartment that I felt like I barely left. This time there were iron bars over all the windows. That sounds too dramatic, at least they had keys for opening their built in doors.

what did i do that was new in '07?

1. Shot a pistol ... very successfully (targets not people)

2. Learned to drive from the passenger side while supressing a 300 lb cop

3. Flew in a Blackhawk

4. Lived in a warzone, came back with PTSD from said warzone

5. Got back on a horse after my Bermuda accident, around the pyramids, of all places, yes Giza

6. Mumbled my way through an Arabic-speaking country

7. Learned to ice climb, then spent thousands of dollars on said equipment

8. Pulled a roof on trad lead!

9. Caught four trad leader falls, of guys much bigger than me (I wish it came with lifetime beer subscription)

10. Got my haircut in Paris ;)

11. Thinking my outdoor footwear had to be the most expensive, outdid it by buying a pair of beautiful Dior pumps in Paris

12. Went flying off into the white abyss on Mt. Whistler, British Columbia while skiing

13. For three months, had beautifully pedicured feet and manicured hands (couldn't climb in B-dad!)

14. went to London AGAIN without visiting Ireland or Scotland

austin, texas

Austin is awesome. When people ask if I would consider relocating, I have to be honest, I would be hard pressed to move away from D.C. where my heart is, namely my family and friends. BUT, I would retire in Austin. It's an awesome little city and seems very un-Texas to those of us who's impressions of the independant republic are formed by the left-wing media. First, people are super friendly. The local airport has only local Austin eateries, like Amy's ice-cream, and the local BBQ joint. One is hard pressed to find bad food in Austin, we had amazing Tex-mex at Z'Tejas Grill. Also Austin well-deserves its reputation for live music. Monday night driving through downtown, there were at least three venues blaring live music into the street. We stopped by the Elephant Room, a long basement smoke-free bar featuring live music 365 days of the year. It wasn't the honky tonk jazz or blues one necessarily associates with Austin, but more the acoustic funky rock jazz. Not bad for a Monday night. Interestingly enough, (as an aside) there are men behind me speaking in Texas southern drawl spewing expetives about the current administration, its foreign policy, and the Texas National Guard.

cowgirl on the beach

cowgirl on the beach
Originally uploaded by ScelestiX.

So here's the story. I feel like I've been raped by a horse's saddle, because literally, that's what happened when my intrepid friend you see I'm riding, decided to take off in a trot and LEAP over a one foot high barrier. I had no idea what pain and humiliation was in store for me once she landed. I had bounced part way out of my saddle with my right leg over her neck, my left still stuck in the stirrups, and the most uncomfortable parts of the saddle in my delicate regions. After grabbing her neck and realizing I had no control of her, I slid down and rolled away from what I hoped would not be a horse having a tantrum wielding angry hooves.

I'm okay, my ego and flesh is just a bit bruised and I have an even greater respect for horses. Also I think the next time I try to be adventurous during vacation, I should maybe have equestrian lessons prior to booking my next horse trail trip.

bermuda

Today's my last day here, I didn't spend nearly enough time at the beach, so really, my bikini tan-lines are not as contrast-y as they were before ... hah, I didn't really tan in South Africa either. I came here for a lovely intimate wedding and it was wonderful. The entire guest list numbered shy of 40 people so every guest got to know each other and we all had fun hitting the clubs on Front Street in Hamilton, hanging out at the beach, shopping, and sightseeing.

Right now my right jaw is pretty sore. It's a good thing this is the jaw that never fully recovered feeling from a wisdom tooth extraction gone awry (blood spurting, hammers, and drilling to retrieve a way tooth) three years ago. That story to come with pictures.

Even though there were plenty of people here, for the most part I traveled by myself. Of course I've mentioned the positives: doing what I want to do on my own time, not worried about compromising or being accountable to someone else, and becoming more self-reliant and confident about traveling alone. It also opens up meeting locals and other people you may not normally interact with if you were traveling with someone else. Although I admit, traveling with someone else has positives, particularly if my companion has similar interests (like my sister or a few other friends I've traveled with). This time around, I think particularly in the beach-y tropical island type of vacations, its nice to have a buddy. Particularly since it seems whenever I went to the beach, I was by myself unless I was meeting someone else.

Oh and by the way Bermuda is a genuine banana republic. I hit downtown Hamilton on Thursday and saw accountants and insurers walking around in full-fledged business suits. I saw brand names like Deloitte and PriceWaterhouseCoopers on corner streets. I was really amazed. Apparently Bermuda's a good place for off-shore banking, insurance firms, of course hospitality, and there is a medical facility. There are no fast-food places or chain restaurants. No Day's Inns or cheap motel constructs. It's all vacation villas, homes and neighborhoods, or compound-like resorts/clubs/and golf courses. Stunning beaches though.

Mama and Baby

South Africa 05-06 199
Originally uploaded by ScelestiX.

Kruger National Park

African Penguins

South Africa 05-06 081
Originally uploaded by ScelestiX.

Also formerly known as jackass penguins.

New Year's Day

South Africa 05-06 059
Originally uploaded by ScelestiX.

Camp's Bay and the 12(+) Apostles

Picture Time

South Africa 05-06 023
Originally uploaded by ScelestiX.

Cape Town, and that would be Table Mountain behind it.

departures

It's decision time and I'm in a crux. In October I applied for GWU's Spring Semester Abroad program at American University in Beirut. They were supposed to have a decision for me in mid-November, but I didn't find out until mid-month-long vacation, that is mid-December. Now I'm back. GWU classes start this Tuesday. AUB classes start in two weeks. I'm definitley going to lose 20% of my tuition if I don't start GWU classes. I haven't told work because I was waiting for a final decision from AUB. My mom knows as of today. If I were to go to AUB, I would have to get my visa, secure student loans, sublet my condo (anyone interested or know anyone?), tell work and try to make arrangements so I wouldn't get fired, find a home in Beirut, register for classes, book my flights, take care of all that legal power of attorney stuff, turn in a bunch of paperwork to GWU and end up in Beirut in TWO WEEKS.

If I don't go, I continue just like any other Spring Semester at GWU, and try to find an Arabic tutor to master the ridiculously difficult language in order to gain proficiency and pass my Master's language requirement. There are so many reasons to stay/go not do it/do it:

Pros of Spring at GWU:
-Get work to pay for a class; continue earning salary
-Can get private language tutor in DC for Arabic
-Be able to spend time with family/friends after 8 months of shift-work hell and one month of awesome vacation

Cons of Spring at GWU:
-Same old boring Spring semester
-Not really good Middle East program, might have to take classes at another University
-No real language immersion
-still shuffling full-time career and part-time grad school; which I'm getting tired of

Pros of AUB:
-Fullfill one of major reasons to return to school and that is study abroad
-Get in-country ME exposure
-Get some sort of in-country language immersion
-travel around the Middle East
-take classes on the ME and get an ME perspective

Cons of AUB:
-So little time to prepare
-Unstable political situation in Lebanon
-get no salary while there, live on loans, and rack up monstrous debt

Neutral zone (regardless of either decision)
-Pending conflicts with work will hopefully be able to complete my M.A. in Dec '06

What do you think? One suggestion is to defer it to Fall or Summer, however I think that means pushing commencement back to May '07, and by then I would've had enough course work to graduate that AUB would just be extra credits ...

Career-wise, I worry that it might be a step back in my progression, although it means gaining experience I can't get in Washington. Also I feel like a bit of jerk asking for five months of absence after returning from an extravagant month long vacation.

What are your thoughts?

africa south

I've made it home safe, and after getting home yesterday afternoon I crashed for nearly 14 hours. I must explain why I felt like when I was in Cape Town and parts of South Africa, that I did not actually feel like I was in Africa. I didn't start feeling like I was in Africa until I journeyed through Kruger Park for three days and then spent two nights in Limpopo province/Venda.

It really just comes down to a stereotype I have to confront. When I think Africa I think safaris and lots of black people. Cape Town was literally a rainbow city, and blacks were actually few in many places we went. In Stellenbosch we saw predominantly white people. The Afrikaaners, Brits, Indians, and people of Malay descent think of themselves as South Africans. And they are justified certainly, as I consider myself foremost American before Bangladeshi. At Kruger most people we saw at the ranger stations were black, however with the exception of one black family, all the rest were white or Indian people. Watching animals in the wild is apparently an activity for white or Indian people. This all came as a surprise to me. In India, I saw predominantly Indian people, regardless of where I went I always felt like I was in India. Italy was most Italians, Germany mostly Germans, Barcelona mostly Catalans, Korea mostly Koreans. I hadn't confronted so much diversity in a country since England.

airline etiquette

Peeves about flying in economy class:

1. The arm rest between seats is a demilitarized zone, do not put your elbow on it, we are all uncomfortable during the flight, but I really don't appreciate your elbow digging into my arm

2. Use the head rest thingys that keep your head from listing onto your neighbor's shoulders, I don't like your drool, nor the smell of it

3. Please use deoderant, breath freshener, and have come onto the plane fresh from a bath or shower. Six hours with your vampire-killing garlic breath can exacerberate nausea during turbulence

4. Please try to time your bathroom, get-up and stretch breaks so that you do not have to wake someone up to get out of your seat.

delirium

I'm at Heathrow now, more than half way home. It's funny to think a moment's decision was what made my parents decide to the settle in the U.S. rather than the U.K. I could've grown up a London-girl. London has generally felt like a second home to me anyway. And now I have another home with my sister's home stay family in the misty highlands of Venda, Limpopo Province in Northeastern South Africa.

It's hard to imagine that 12 hours ago I had blown a tire on on a muddy slippery ruddy road in a rural village two hours away from the nearest movie theater. A man who met me for the first time changed my flat tire. I snapped pictures of the adorable pre-school kids my sister works with and met the school staff. And then I took off for the airport two hours away to connect to Jo'burg.

On the flight to India, Dubai, and Jo'burg, there were absolutely no movies I was interested in seeing. On the flight home, I'm facing the oppposite dilemma, there's so many movies I want to see that my flight time doesn't actually allow me to see all of them. And somewhere in there I'm going to have to nap, although I've started my body on the EST clock again. So far I've seen "Proof," for hottie Jake Gyllenhaal, "Skeleton Key," which because I watched with such low expectations I was surprised that it wasn't bad at all, and "In Her Shoes," once again a movie I had such low expectations that I found it surprisingly funny. I tried to squeeze in "Sense and Sensibility" and "Broken Flowers" but BA was having problems with those channels and I opted to sleep. Well 9 more hours to go ....

limpopo

This is my last full day in South Africa. The travel has gone from ZA's most south westerly point to nearly its most north easterly region. As previously explained by a fellow District of Columbian I met on our wine tour of Stellenbosch, Cape Town is not South Africa, and South Africa is not Africa. The past four days I've actually felt like I'm in South Africa. Renting a car from the Jo'burg airport we high tailed it to Kruger National Park. Saw tons of impalas, wildebeasts, zebras, giraffes, elephants, and coated our rental car tires with more elephant poop than I can really care to stand for :)

I saw a glimpse of the elusive lion from a far distance. We did not get to see rhinos, leopards, or cheetas but we almost got into an altercation with a large elephant who had declared himself the gatekeeper of the road we were on. After idling for 5 minutes, then turning off the car to see if he'd be on his way, we turned around, and almost ran into another elephant coming onto the road who would've most certainly boxed us in.

Last night I arrived at my sister's Peace Corps site, with mountains and valleys. I stayed with her super friendly and open host family. Today I'm packing. It's incredible to think that in less than two days I'll be back in chilly D.C.