onto more important things

I'm catching up on current events. A few days ago I learned my cousin was forced out of her short-term rental (a place away from her husband so she wouldn't have to spend two hours commuting each way to work) because her roommate caught her praying. She is a British-accented, non-hijab wearing, modern career woman with degrees in accounting. I, on the other hand, only reveal my religious heritage only after direct scrutiny, and the fact my last name gives it all away. Through my years working within the U.S. military and government agencies, I have often found I'm the minority, and my colleagues are hyper-sensitive to anyone coming close to inferring I have terrorist ties, with the exception of my Irish Army polygrapher. I don't want to make anyone tip-toe around what is a politically charged issue that is intrinsically linked to my namesake and of course, my identity. I've found a pretty thoughtful editorial (the link is in the title).

It invokes many images for me. One is of a regional Taekwondo tournament I participated in where I got my butt thoroughly beaten by a hijab-wearing black belt, coached by an Egyptian American. I have never met a more ferocious, powerful and fast woman in the competition ring in my life. I'm also thinking about the article I read in JO magazine, Jordan's version of The Washingtonian, about how 85% of Jordanian women believe their husbands have a right to physical beat their wives. I'm also taken back to a Facebook wall argument I had with a friend of a friend about health care, when he callously turned it into a debate about my personal background based on what he thought he knew about the origins of my name.

So what is the point of all this? I'm glad I'm not alone in having to defend something that is part of millions of peoples' identity, and two, I'm glad to have known such a wide diversity of experiences, which only three of which I've illustrated here out of a multitude; to show that it is exactly about that, diversity.

sunny sunny

Tonight, I'm in San Diego as I have been for the past two nights. I've been hanging out with D.C. expats. I call them expats because well, California really does seem like a world away from D.C. and its drive and ambition to change the planet and the universe. We cooked a monster Bengali meal last night, sauteed kale, brown basmati rice, chicken and butternut squash curry, and a tangy tomato stew. We had pretty ambitious plans to hike and climb out in the desert, but the heat wave destroyed our plans. While my lady-friend had just completed a 50K in three digit heat at altitude and was recovering, I pretended to recover from my week+ in D.C. The feeling that I needed to buy a bar of ice cream at every convenience store I passed and wolf it down in my car parked in a garage. Before I left, I got the good 'ole clean bill of health. I was amazed. And terribly relieved. I could finally travel and not cancel another flight out West. So my ultra-running friend and I, defeated by heat, had nice beach walks, pool time and the only real athletic thing we tried to do was tread water. She decided we are really bad at motivating at each other and like me is jobless. Today at REI I saw Yahtzee ... I suggested we buy it, stay home, and play it all day. She smiled at me ... "we're going to have to make up a really good story to explain to people." It's occurred to me a few times that not having the stress and pressure of a job, or school, makes me a pretty unmotivated climber. I'm not stressed at all ... thus I don't feel the need to torture myself in a crossfit work out, pound asphalt and sweat and breath heavy, and scare myself silly on a rock climb ... all to replace the stress of work or school. Interesting. I'm sure I'll be motivated tomorrow when we look up at the beautiful granite faces in Tahquitz/Suicide Rocks, in between Los Angeles and Palm Springs and we find ourselves on the sharp ends of the rope.

and a while

Over a year since I've posted. So far 2010 has been a doozy. I did a lot of things that surprised me and the people who thought they knew me. I had two friends dear to me die young. I quit my job and don't feel an ounce of ambition in the career-sense, just in the how-much-travel-can-I-pack-in for cheap sense. I'm dealing with interesting medical woes as a non-working person, without subsidized health insurance. In about seven months, my savings will run out and I will fall below the poverty line. A lot of this seems super negative, and I don't want this to be read wrong, but there are many things I learned and am continuing to learn this year.

First off, I learned there are no guarantees in life. I think everyone understands that, but very few actually face what it means. When an attack in Afghanistan took out a colleague of mine the day before New Year's Eve and then I lost a friend at age 31 to liver cancer in July, it occurred to me I may actually never have the chance to enjoy that pension and 401K I was diligently working and saving for. In many ways, my work stopped making sense to me, my career. It didn't seem very important to me. What seemed important was being with the people I care about, spending time doing what I love, and being present. Its strange to think this would hit me now, especially after working in countries the past three years on and off where the threat of an imminent attack could easily level the ground I was standing on with me on it. So after running my mouth about how I would quit my job and halt my career, I did. Officially, I haven't been to work since June 5th. July 17th, my resignation became effective.

Second, I learned I gave up some independence for some ... independence. I was no longer on someone's clock and earning money which I wantonly spent on outdoor gear and schemed for my next 2+ consecutive days off to cut loose in weekend warrior fashion. Sure I gained freedoms, but I also had to become more watchful of my spending. I'm still struggling with that. Also, I became dependent on the good will of others when I found myself 'freeloading,' that is crashing in someone's guest room, sofa, etc and eating their food. I certainly found that although I was not working for a salary, I was working to be social and nice. But not that it's been unpleasant, it's actually way more enjoyable than sitting in the office trying not to think of how nice it was outside and wishing I were not in front of a computer. It's given me the lessons on being present and being with people I care about.

I should definitely post the adventures I've had, but between updating Picasa web albums, Facebook, and e-mail/calls to set up the next adventure, I can't promise anything. I'm surprised that blogger has even let my blog sit for this long!