I get into arguments about people who seem to know more about my culture than I apparently do. Example, arranged marriages means forced marriages. B u l l fucking s h i t. I don't deny that in some rural water-logged or water-deprived developing country, far from central government influence, 11 year olds are married off to spindly mean red-eyed seventy year olds who beat them and essentially make them slaves, but I object that all arranged marriages are characterized that way.
The simplest way to think about it is your family or close friends of your family playing matchmaker. Okay, maybe you do only get to meet them once or for a week before you have to say yes or no, and um that sucks, but in some families, you can date for months. The point is, it depends on the family and individuals. Islam prohibits women from being forced by her parents into a marriage. I can't deny that families can pressure their daughters, but again, that's a case-by-case situation. Families are very close in other cultures, its not about the American 'nuclear' family, which I think most sociologists can debunk; but the extended family.
Imagine meeting a dude: "Hey here's my dad, here are my brothers, here are my uncles, and cousin-brothers." READ: You f(*& with me they'll break your legs and string you up from a tree branch. Yeah! It's like Godfather. But with a less unhappy ending. It provides the marriage with a readily available support network, but anyway I'm getting off the topic. Tradition is not necessarily something to demonize, neither is a practice that once everyone in the world practiced, including Americans, a godawful thing.
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We're muslim as well, but this is also prevalent in other religions so i can't claim some exclusivity like I can the 72 virgins after a Jihad-based martyrdom (don't get me started on that!)
Anyway, I've been a subject of familial matchmaking several times and there have been potential matches. The problem I've found with it is that in order to spend time with a person, to get to know them, to get to like them, you are instantly considered "together". It's almost as if this bond, of maybe a molecule strength of XOH, is instantly created out of thin air. Break that bond, and like the chemical reaction, instability occurs, families become polar opposites, and the subjects are dejected. Precisely why I now request a 120-point questionnaire, criminal and history background check, full-palm fingerprint and $16,001 down payment prior to being introduced to anyone by the family.
Of course, if my dad pulls me aside and says, "She's a nice girl", aforementioned prerequisites are dropped.
If one is ready to settle, have a beautiful family and live the life--this could possibly be exactly what they need. My hindi friend recently got engaged to a beautiful, intelligent and fun girl setup through cousins. I was their shaperone on their first date, they were engaged a month later. He was just ready. Free-dating in the U.S. hasn't always brought "quality" personalities, beauty or instant-game free-securities that arrangments historically have.
I'm so glad you spoke up and shared that experience.
For other people, I certainly don't mean to imply that today only Muslims practice arranged marriage, and that it has just as much to do with culture as religion.
Awesome post, Naz... we need to stop such ignorance runnin' around here!
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