anatomy

ahem ... this will be one of my more soul-baring (we'll see), disgustingly honest (probably not) and revealing (for me) posts ... the anatomy of a hook up? Is there an expiration date? Is it ever, gotta be within a year or forget it? And what's even stranger, that after all this time has passed, you two are the same people, looking for the same things ... one in denial? the other afraid? What does one think when after three years and a failed relationship, an old sexual ghost from the past rings you in the middle of the night, someone who's voice you haven't heard in over two years, to ask how you are doing?

We watched my favorite movie (every guy loves this title--but it is a tragic story: Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love). I still found him hopelessly attractive after three years, the slender dancer's/martial artist's physique, the lilt in his speech, the way he would casually put his arm around me, and how when I talked about the few times we had before, his eyes would light up with remembrance. His thin glasses, preppy look, height next to me, and goofiness ... how we tip toed around on the roof because the contractors had forgotten to lock the door, with a bottle of Spanish wine between us ... me every now and then having to discourage his impetuous male urge to throw stones into the windows across the street and at birds perched near us, hoping for a crumb from these afternoon rooftop picnicers?

When he left, startled by the hour at 9 in the evening, he said I ought to visit my 'friend' in his town, two hours away... no it wasn't a direct invitation for anything, and then he cruised out my door ... hungry I ordered chinese.

So this ended up being all three of things I mentioned, and sometimes I wonder do I give up even before I give it a chance?